Kamma matrimony, which is a Telugu kamma marriage bureau has researched these questions on kamma brides and kamma grooms and find out the answers. Yes, we can but we have to move our thought process beyond this “fantasy bond”. A fantasy bond is just an illusion of oneness with a partner. When two partners (kamma bride and kamma groom) enter in this fantasy bond, they substitute a fantasy of being connected rather than real relating. The kamma matches forget to put efforts on the real pillar of the love and the relationship starts deteriorating.
The degree to which a kamma bride or kamma groom enters in the fantasy love bond exists on a continuity. At first, in the meeting arranged by kamma matrimony, some of the kamma brides and kamma grooms usually open up to one another very easily. But after some time, they become afraid and start to protect themselves. They replace real love with the fantasy of being in love. The situation deteriorates gradually and the couple no longer expressing the true love between each other.
Here we are demonstrating 10 behaviours that can ruin a relationship and the way to avoid them:
1) Acting like single:
Try to make decisions as a “we”, not as a “me”. A lot of things have changed in a relationship. Your priorities, responsibilities, individuality all the things have changed. Accept the changes full heartedly because you are changing because you are with your soulmate. So, the kamma bride and kamma groom, you both should act as partners. You can’t behave like previous where you see yourselves as two independent individuals operating with your own interests. Now you both should take decisions as a team. Over the time this behaviour will keep your relationship in beautiful shape.
2) Being financially responsible for yourself only:
In a relationship, the money issue is a common problem. When you go out and spend your money as if you are the only person in the union, then this thing matters. This thing makes feel the other person like you are still single. You have the responsibility of your partner to make him/her comfortable and accept each other.
3) Constantly criticizing:
If you are constantly criticizing your partner, two things happen. The first one is, your partner stays with you having a heavy heart, just for the bondage and the second one is, he/she gets fed up and finally move one. The two scenarios are toxic for a relationship.
When you are criticizing your partner, remember that to whom you are criticizing and what are the benefits of this criticism. It can only ruin the relationship drastically. So, be calm and analyze the things before pointing a finger to your partner.
4) Avoid uncomfortable moments:
Arguments happen in any relationship because you both are different individuals. You both (kamma bride and kamma grooms) have a different thought process, different idealism. Left out without solving them can be dangerous for your relationship. Although for that time you are avoiding the conflicting moments, later it can create more misunderstanding between you two. So, if such things happen that the words of your partner hurt you, let him/her know that by saying ‘why did you say like this, it made me feel very bad’. It can be more productive than just left out with anger.
5) Lose yourself in the other person:
In kamma matrimony, the kamma brides and kamma grooms meet each other at the first time for building a marriage relationship. But after finding your perfect partner, you start to like everything your partner like and you no longer that person you used to. To avoid these things, check yourself who you were before the relationship and who are you now. It is good to change some degree within a relationship, but not 100%. Because the kamma bride or kamma groom has chosen you for what you actually are, the characteristics those defines you. Never lose it. Sometimes keep apart from your partner, it will make you feel the importance of your relationship and grow yourself in a better way of not changing the roots of you.
Trust is a fragile thing. Once it breaks, it never comes back in the real shape. So, keep it safe. Secrets and lies can break the trust and can damage your relationship. At the early stage, the kamma bride and kamma groom should not hide anything to their potential partner. It can create a problem at a later point of time.
In an intimate relationship, emotional honesty includes allowing your partner to know who you are. Honesty is more than just lying. It includes not making ambiguous statements, not telling half-truths, don’t manipulating information etc. These affect the relationship. This dishonesty blocks the real intimacy with your partner. Honesty is defined and valued as a moral norm, even the context and specifics can differ among different cultures. This dishonesty can create violations of your values. It not only leads to guilt but also affects your self-concept. The ways of managing this guilt can create more and more problems gradually.
Nobody in this world likes to be nagged. One of the major problems with nagging is that pleading or complaining or urging is not effective and the nagger rarely want what he/she wants. When your partner is nagging at you, you feel like you are being controlled by your partner and asked to do something to someone’s plan for you. It never gives the inspiration to do the thing. Another worse thing is that nagging has a serious impact on a relationship. To avoid this instead of voicing your request more times, the communication gap requires to be addressed head-on. Nagging, it can be also a form of controlling behaviour. So, don’t waste your energy and time trying to control your partner, but practice to exploring them.
Insecurity is an inner feeling of being threatened in some way. At first, when the relationship between the kamma bride and kamma groom is new, it is normal to have insecurity in a relationship, but chronic insecurity is dangerous. It can rob your peace of mind and prevents you from being able to engage with your partner in a healthy way. Those actions that come from insecurity, always asking for reassurance, jealousy, accusing, erode trust- all these things push your partner away from you. To avoid your insecurity, build your self-esteem, keep your independence, trust yourself first.
Disrespect, it is the lack of respect. Respect can be defined as a deep admiration for someone. The essence of respect means honouring the feelings and needs of a person. It also includes taking consideration and assigning a value to the desires, thoughts, and behaviours of a person. Now we can define disrespect- just opposite of respect. Respect exhibits itself in a lot of ways within relationships. It can define respecting your partner’s boundaries rather than ignoring them in your quest to get your needs met. Of course, it’s good to have some people in your life to whom you can share your frustrations in confidence; but, you need to be mindful of the content of these conversations. If you don’t respect your partner, how your friends can give respect to him or her or your relationship, either. When you go out into the world with different people, it’s important to act with integrity with respect to your partnership.
10) Misunderstanding instead of understanding.
In today’s world’s fantasy bond of love, we can see our partners for whom we need them to be rather than who they are. We may deform them by idealizing or putting them on a pedestal. We may pick our partners apart, denigrating them by projecting negative qualities onto them. We can even see them as more critical, intrusive, or rejecting that they are since we grew up with people who had these qualities. When we disrespect the thin line between ourselves and our partner, we’re more likely to see them as an extension of ourselves, and we may mistreat or criticize them in bad ways we mistreat or criticize ourselves.
It happens that there is a clear imbalance of understanding, compatibility in your relationship, it’s probably in trouble. You can’t be the one who forever knows all the things or vice versa. If one partner is constantly submissive towards you, you should rethink the relationship altogether and try to remove all the unhealthy tendencies of your relationship. After all, such harmful patterns, once established, are hard to re-establish the relationship in a new way.Only being in a relationship isn’t enough. It does not act as a social symbol. Never get into a relationship with someone you cannot respect or love because he/she does not have what you want, it is cursed to fail. Successful relationships last because of both the partners’ respect and value each other. The kamma brides and kamma grooms should concentrate these behaviours, those to avoid and maintain a healthy and long-lasting relationship.